


Toujours Pur

by Wit_Beyond_Measure77



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drama & Romance, F/M, First War with Voldemort, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:27:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24182080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wit_Beyond_Measure77/pseuds/Wit_Beyond_Measure77
Summary: Sirius was always disgusted by his family’s reputation. Regulus was always maniacally eager to uphold it. As Voldemort’s war rages on in 1977, the two brothers firmly choose opposing sides. Alliances are tested, casualties rise, yet they still manage to joke and argue and fall in love. This is the story of the last male line of The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	1. Prologue: 1971

Orion Black was not much of a drinker.

He tipped the goblet deeply into his mouth, forgetting any semblance of manners. The gold bottom exposed itself more and more beneath the crimson wine. He nearly choked on his final gulp when he considered the scandalized look his wife Walburga was probably giving him, no doubt thinking,  _ Dinner is not even on the table. _

He set the goblet down more forcefully than he intended, causing his wife to give a start. If he noticed, his bemused expression belied any knowledge of her annoyance. The alcohol was already taking effect, desensitizing his thoughts and relaxing his muscles. He wasn’t even upset that Kreacher was making them all wait — the food normally appeared as soon as Orion, always the last to sit, took his place at the head of the table.

“Kreacher!” Walburga called out, her voice bouncing off the walls of the otherwise quiet dining room. “We have been waiting!” As she considered barking orders to be beneath her, the angry tone was directed more toward her husband than to the house elf. Suddenly, the food appeared on the plates as if out of thin air.

_ “It makes you soft.” _ That’s what Walburga always said about his drinking, which is why he only allowed himself to imbibe on special occasions. 

“I would like to raise a glass,” Orion declared, “to Sirius.” He suppressed a hiccup before waving his empty goblet in the air. Walburga looked livid, but did the same with her full goblet.

“To Sirius,” she repeated with a haughty air.

“And to Walburga, for providing me with not one, but two sons to carry on the Black legacy.” Walburga nodded curtly, as if to say,  _ “It was nothing at all.” _ This was usually how any sentiment was communicated between the married couple. 

“Hogwarts,” he went on, “is lucky to have another pure-blood study there. I am sure you will make your mother and I proud.”

“Thank you, father,” Sirius said politely, staring intently at his plate of roast chicken. He felt embarrassed whenever his normally stoic father became emotional. He was also extremely hungry, and his mouth watered even more when he noticed that Kreacher had taken extra time to char the skin just the way he liked it.

“Yes. Our kind is nearly extinct,” Walburga said evenly, though the rising color in her cheeks indicated that she could break out into a fit of rage at any moment. “I am sure Sirius will bring honor to Slytherin house... and prove that good breeding matters.” Her nose crinkled in disgust.

Sirius felt his face get hot, but chose instead to say, “I will do my best, mother.”

“Can we eat now?” Regulus asked impatiently. The corners of Walburga’s tightly pursed lips lifted upward ever so slightly — a smile.

“Yes, of course, dear,” she responded, putting a linen napkin on her lap with a flourish.

Sirius and Regulus tucked into their dinner eagerly. It was a rather pleasant meal; their mother didn’t admonish either of them to chew slower or hold their knives properly, and their father was in a quiet stupor by the time he finished his third glass of wine.

As far as Sirius was concerned, the less his parents talked about blood purity and who should (or shouldn’t) be allowed to study magic, the better. He never outwardly let on to his parents that he disagreed, but he never responded in kind either. He reasoned that it was not up to an eleven-year-old to change the minds of two grown adults.

Sirius did have to admit, however, that it was getting harder to control his temper. As the days drew closer to him entering Hogwarts, both his parents found their knack for slipping in  _ Mudblood-this _ and  _ Muggle-lover-that _ into casual conversation. Just over dinner last night, his father bored him to tears listing off all the blood traitors whose children will also be attending Hogwarts. Only when Sirius swore he wouldn’t speak to any of them did he seem mollified.

The remaining scraps of food vanished from the plates, which didn’t remain bare for long. Almost instantly, a delectable assortment of puddings appeared. Sirius helped himself to a generous amount of treacle sponge pudding (his favourite) when his father broke the silence.

“Do you think those nasty rumours about Andromeda are true?”

“Orion,” Walburga hissed, but it was too late. Sirius’ ears perked up at the mention of his favourite cousin — the only person in his family he actually liked.

“What rumours?” he inquired, thankful that his father’s drunkenness had led to silly family gossip as opposed to a manifesto about pure-blood supremacy. His aunt and uncle’s snobbishness gave his own parents a run for their money, and Sirius supposed that Andromeda was dating someone working class.

“Nothing, son,” Walburga said hurriedly. “Your father doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

“Like hell I don’t!” Orion howled. Nothing angered him more than being admonished in front of his children, regardless of sobriety. Walburga, obviously realizing her misstep, sniffed as a form of apology and quietly returned to her pudding.

“I know you were always taken with the girl, Walburga, but you and I both know she never quite followed in Bellatrix’s footsteps. Here Bellatrix is, always setting a good example — engaged to Lestrange — good family,  _ proper _ family — and all for what? For her sister to run off with some Mudblood —”

“What?” Regulus interjected, outraged. Sirius winced. Regulus was only ten, yet his brother was already capable of holding so much contempt.

“— starting a scandal,” Orion, ignoring Regulus, went on, pounding the table with his fist as punctuation. “And even if it’s just a rumour… well.” Orion threw his hands up in the air and gave Sirius a rather pointed look. “Rumours always start from a bit of truth.”

“I’m sure they  _ are _ just rumours — dear,” Walburga added hastily. “Druella would not keep a blood traitor in the house, and Andromeda is still at home.  _ I _ think some jealous woman — someone Druella offended, knowing  _ her _ terrible mouth — told some tall tale in retaliation. One of the Black daughters falling in love with some beast, please.” Walburga gave a mirthless laugh.

Sirius’ ears were ringing. He knew all too well that his mother was not exaggerating. Showing the slightest bit of sympathy for the Muggle condition got you disowned and blasted off the family tapestry for good measure. 

_ I have to write to Andromeda tonight _ , thought Sirius. Unfortunately, Andromeda had already graduated from Hogwarts, so he would not be able to talk to her in person tomorrow. How he wished she could swap ages with her awful sister, Narcissa — a sixth year. Sirius bemoaned the fact that he would have to share a common room with Narcissa for two years.  _ Better than Bellatrix though.  _

As if reading his mind, Sirius’ father abruptly demanded, “Do not mention any of this to Narcissa, even if you think you are in private. We cannot disgrace our name.” 

Sirius thought bitterly,  _ As if I would talk to her if I didn’t have to _ , but what he said was, “Of course, father.”

“I can’t wait to go to Hogwarts,” Regulus, who must have realized five minutes had gone by without any attention given to him, chimed in. “Show those filthy blood traitors how it’s done.” Sirius rolled his eyes.

“Just one more year, dear,” Walburga said soothingly.

With his mind on nothing but the letter, Sirius asked, “May I be excused?” His father nodded and his mother waved her hand dismissively in the direction of the hallway.

His chair scraped against the wooden floors as he pushed himself away from the table. Taking the stairs two at a time, he arrived at his bedroom breathless.

Sitting at his desk, he hastily dipped his quill in ink only to hover it hesitantly over the parchment. As a blotch of ink stained the upper right corner, Sirius wondered how he was going to best allude to his concern. He wouldn’t put it past Bellatrix and Narcissa to invade Andromeda’s privacy and read her post. Finally settling on what he hoped read like an innocuous correspondence between cousins, Sirius began writing.

_ Andromeda, _

_ How are you? By the time you get this, I’ll probably already be at Hogwarts! _

_ As you might have guessed, my parents bought me an owl. His name is Lynx and he’s a bit of a git, so if you like your hand just the way it is, give him a treat before he pecks it off. _

_ While I think it’s rude that you had to graduate the term before I started, I do hope post-Hogwarts life is treating you well. I haven’t heard from you all summer, but I’m sure it’s because you’ve been busy. _

_ If you have any last minute advice, I could use some. Mum keeps warning me that Hogwarts is a bit of a rumour-mill. I think she worries I’m going to be the subject of some gossip among students who are jealous of our reputation. I’ll pretend that it doesn’t bother me, but you and I both know that it does.  _

_ Just the nerves talking. Get back to me as soon as you can! _

_ Love,  _

_ Sirius _

He reread his carefully worded message five times. Satisfied that Andromeda would be able to read between the lines (and that the prying eyes of her sisters would be unable to catch any anti-Black sentiment), he stuffed the parchment into an envelope and scrawled her address.

Sirius whistled for Lynx, who came zooming across the room. “Bring this to Andromeda, won’t you?” No sooner had he shut the window behind Lynx than he heard an accusatory tone ask, “What are you doing?”

Sirius spun around. Regulus was leaning against the doorway, arms crossed.

“None of your business,” Sirius said through gritted teeth.

“I know what you’re up to,” Regulus sneered. He walked halfway toward his brother before he dropped his tone and added, “You’re concerned about that blood traitor.”

“She’s not —” Sirius stopped himself.  _ You’ve held it in for over eleven years,  _ he reminded himself,  _ what’s one more night? _ He drew a deep breath. “Get out of my room. I have to finish packing.”

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you’d actually support someone in our family running off with a Mudblood. But that’s obviously not true.”

Regulus was goading him, and Sirius knew it. “Glad we’re on the same page then,” Sirius replied evenly. “Now get out.”

Regulus smirked and turned on his heel, strutting towards the doorway with his hands in his pockets. Sirius picked up one of the textbooks that had laid in an abandoned pile in the corner of his room all summer and agitatedly threw it into his trunk. Regulus spoke up again, this time into the dark abyss of the hallway. “I start next year. You better not do anything to embarrass me.”

With that, he left.  _ The Standard Book of Spells _ crashed into the door mere seconds after he shut it.


	2. Chapter One: Reputation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius’ hand shook as his quill scrawled a message to the last person he ever thought he’d be writing.

Sirius Black was not much of a sentimentalist. 

Yet starting this letter was the hardest thing he had done in recent memory — including packing up his belongings after New Years during his fifth year and moving away from 12 Grimmauld Place once and for all. That confrontation was easy. But this? This felt impossible. 

Sirius’ hand shook as his quill scrawled a message to the last person he ever thought he’d be writing.

_ Walburga, _

_ Before you tear this letter up, this concerns Regulus. If you care about him, you will keep reading. _

_ I’m only back at Hogwarts one night and there are already rumours about the Black family. It appears that Regulus has received quite the birthday present this year. I suppose you only turn 16 once. _

Bile rose in Sirius’ throat. With each quivering stroke he felt like his fingers were slowly turning to lead.

_ Are you surprised that a blood traitor like myself knows? Are you frightened that your son has only bore the Mark for a month and is already betraying confidence, bragging like a fool?  _

_ Are you proud that he is a Death Eater? _

The accusation was so heinous that seeing the words on parchment made his stomach churn. Without warning, without consciousness, his legs were guiding him to the dormitory bathroom. Collapsing to his knees and clutching the porcelain bowl, he began to retch.

“Sirius?”

Head immersed fully in the toilet, Sirius was unable to hear him. The door closed. Wordlessly, Remus walked up to his friend and knelt down, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“It’s alright,” Remus whispered. Sirius gave a shudder, which quickly turned into sobs and eventually developed into hiccups. After what felt like ages, he slumped into Remus’ chest and immediately felt a pang of guilt from the wince Remus could not suppress. Sirius had forgotten that the full moon was a few days ago.

There was a fresh scar on Remus’ left clavicle that had been mercifully concealed by his robes during the Start-of-Term Feast earlier that evening. Sirius wanted to trace it with his finger, to let his friend know that it didn’t bother him, didn’t disgust him in the slightest, but he hesitated. All Sirius could do was let Remus hold him until one of them inevitably became uncomfortable.

Remus was the first to break away.  _ He always does this, _ Sirius thought rather bitterly. Remus’ hand, however, was still clutching his shoulder, as if trying to keep him upright. To Sirius’ sudden relief, it seemed that Remus only pushed him off to get a better look at him. As he appraised Sirius, anxious wrinkles etched around the corners of his green eyes, making Remus look more tired than usual.

Suddenly concerned with how pathetic he must have looked, eyes bloodshot and lips encrusted with vomit, Sirius let out a humourless chuckle. “Sorry, mate,” Sirius said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “Must have had one too many treacle tarts.” He hoped this sounded casual, like something they could laugh about later.

Remus offered him a small smile. “You should get some rest then. The letter can wait until morning.”

“How did you —”

“Surely you haven’t been given any homework yet?” he asked, smiling more widely this time. “Just a lucky guess.”

“It was to Walburga. I think — I’m not going to send it.”

They stared at each other. Remus nodded. “An even better idea.” Another lapse of silence rested between them until he said, “Now let’s get off this cold floor.”

~*~

The truck sat at the corner of Grimmauld Place, underneath Sirius’ favorite tree. It was lavender, a lighthearted, romantic color that clashed with its hand-painted advert. 

I DON’T?

Call a Divorce Lawyer Risk-Free Today!

Sirius chuckled as he approached the truck to get a better look. The ‘O’ in DON’T was fashioned to look like an engagement ring.

“Real classy,” Sirius called up to the driver who, despite the car being idle, was sitting attentively at the wheel.

“A bit young to be needing one, eh?” The Muggle driver grinned. He would have revealed a nearly toothless grin had he been looking at Sirius, but he was instead looking straight ahead at the windshield, refusing to loosen his grip on the wheel. Even with Sirius’ ignorance of the Muggle world, he knew this was not typical driving behavior.

“Not unless you can divorce me from my parents?” he asked hopefully.

“The good firm of Black, Lestrange & Malfoy can’t help you.” While the man’s profile showed he was still smiling, his tone had turned cold.

Sirius took a step back. “W-what did you say?” 

“Didn’t you already divorce your parents? Your whole family?” The stranger sounded more aggressive with each syllable.  _ Something is wrong, _ Sirius thought. “Didn’t you already run away like a filthy blood traitor?” A horrible sound… The driver had ripped the wheel clear off…

Sirius was running, though despite having lived in Islington his whole life, he did not know where to go… He turned around… It wasn’t the strange man chasing him anymore, but — no — it couldn’t possibly…

“SCUM!” Walburga screamed, looking like a bat chasing after him in long black robes. “How  _ dare _ you come back? YOU ARE NEVER WELCOME HERE!”

Her insults continued. "Dishonourable,  _ half-breed _ loving —”

“SHUT UP!” Sirius bellowed. “Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!”

_ “Sirius!” _

“You think I don’t know how deep your disloyalty lies?” Walburga sneered. They had both stopped racing… Staring at each other, like they were about to duel… Islington melted away around them… Blackness, blackness everywhere…

_ “Padfoot, mate?” _

“You may have run off to live with that Potter — his freak parents — but I know. A mother always knows. The tainting of your blood runs deeper than aligning yourself with blood traitors. You’ve actually managed to fall in love with a  _ werewolf _ .”

Sirius’ chest was tightening... His Mummy — Mum, mother — no,  _ Walburga _ lifted her wand… Was this dying? If so, Sirius was beginning to feel at peace with it… The woman transformed into his estranged brother… Regulus lifted the robes on his left arm to reveal a faint yet detailed tattoo of a skull with a snake protruding from its mouth.

Silence. Like white noise, so quiet that it was going to split Sirius’ head open clean in half… Then, “Hello, big brother.”

_ “Sirius, PLEASE!” _

Regulus opened his mouth to laugh… No teeth — a forked tongue erupted from the dark abyss instead. He pressed a finger forcefully on the Dark Mark, which turned ink blank and began to move.

Sirius jolted upright, unaware that he was screaming.

“Padfoot! Padfoot, it was just a nightmare,” James croaked. He was squinting, which only made him look more concerned. In the rush to get to Sirius’ bedside, he did not put on his glasses. “You’re alright,” he reassured further.

Sirius felt damp. His nightshirt stuck to his back as if he had just taken a swim in the Great Lake. He looked around. James was on his left. Peter sat horrorstruck at the foot of his bed, looking as if he had shared the dream with Sirius. Remus was glassy-eyed at his right side. Sirius’ stomach immediately plummeted, making him feel like he hadn’t eaten in weeks.

“Did I say — what happened?” He was looking at only Remus now, inwardly begging that he had not spoken Walburga’s taunting words out loud.

“You were thrashing in bed and started to yell. Prongs got to you first.” Remus was saying everything slowly to steady his own breath. “By the time Wormtail and I got to you — we thought you were ill — you know, since you got sick earlier.” Remus was now avoiding Sirius’ gaze. James and Peter were still in the Gryffindor common room when Sirius was writing the letter. “It was clear that we just needed to wake you up.”

Relief flooded through Sirius, soon replaced with intense embarrassment. His three best mates were crouched at the foot of his bed, all because he was screaming in his sleep about the family he abandoned over a year ago.

“You should go to the Hospital Wing first thing in the morning, get a tonic. Seems like you might have had a fever dream,” James reasoned. The color had gone back in his face.

“Yeah,” Sirius said, all too happy to agree, his face growing hot. He just wanted everyone to get back to bed. “Well, now that I’m done with my theatrics...” James laughed and patted him on a shoulder. Peter offered a weak smile, but he still appeared to be in danger of passing out. They both turned around to walk towards their four-posters. “Sorry to cause such a commotion before our first full day of classes.” As James tucked himself back into bed, he waved his hand in the air to dismiss his apology.

“Don’t sweat it, mate. You’ll be in tip-top shape tomorrow.”

With that, he pulled his curtains closed. Realizing it was now okay to go back to sleep, Peter hurriedly did the same.

In the newly reinstated quiet, Sirius suddenly realized that Remus had not moved from his side. He turned to look back at him and was startled to see Remus hurriedly wiping a tear from his cheek. Guilt wracked Sirius’ insides for what felt like the hundredth time today.

Before Sirius could open his mouth to apologize, Remus spoke. “I’m not going to pretend that I know for certain what that was about.” He was speaking in almost a whisper so that only the two of them could hear, causing Sirius to lean in slightly. “But I have an idea. I just need to make one thing clear.” Remus finally looked Sirius in the eye. “You do not have to apologize for your family. Forget about what people are saying behind your back and to your face.”

Remus absentmindedly put his hand on Sirius’ upper thigh and gave it a comforting squeeze. Sirius’ chest erupted into a warmth that made his palms sweat. “You are not your family. You are so much better than them.”

Sirius wanted to say, “And you’re so much better than everyone,” but the hand on his thigh had made his lips glue together and mouth dry.  _ Tell him _ , he thought desperately.  _ At least say thank you, you wanker. _

“Right,” Sirius whispered back lamely.  _ You bloody idiot. You absolute tosser. _

Remus’ eyes widened when they caught where his hand was perched, as if chastising it for operating outside of his autonomy. He swiftly took the offending hand off Sirius’ thigh and stood up in one fluid motion. His cheeks were obviously flushed, even in the dark. He rubbed the back of his neck and stared at the floor.

“Well... g’night,” mumbled Remus. Without looking back at Sirius, he rushed over to his bed and hastily shut the curtains.

Now acutely aware of his damp back and Peter’s snoring, Sirius found himself wishing he was back in the nightmare so that his own brother could go back to killing him.


End file.
